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| 04:56pm 24/06/2006 |
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mood:  apathetic
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So, my lovely people, those of you who like reading should give me some suggestions. Any good books? Please? Anything?
Well...I attempted going to Festivus (2 night, 3 day rave in the "woods")...but that was completely unsuccesful...Since I haven't been able to do anything as of late (thanks to either apprehension, depression, apathy, laziness, mental fuzziness or the horrible combination thereof), I have come up with a new plan for recovery....
I'm running away to the forest!! aaaahhhhh!!!! Who needs a career in opera when there are trees and plants and bunnies to sing to? Yes, I thought so. So...I will likely go missing from Wednesday until...some undisclosed time in the future...I'll probably be out in the middle of nowhere with my dearest Spooky for the next week+ so...send me lots of lovely messages and and...BOOK SUGGESTIONS! Ahhh, need reading materials.
Well...I'm not feeling nearly as coherent right now as I was hoping to feel..so...so long.
<3 |
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3 Sweet Little Lies - Tell Me Lies |
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| 01:27pm 03/06/2006 |
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mood:  weird
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I might have died in my sleep last night? At least I did in my dream, which seemed slightly too real. And it was fucked up.
I'll just call it a mid-sleep-panic-attack.
Damnit.
Now they're even getting me in my sleep!
In other news: I am Rainbow Brite! At least my hair is. It's cool. Shut up.
<3 |
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Tell Me Lies |
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| Everyone else was doing it! |
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| 09:54pm 14/05/2006 |
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mood:  bored
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3 YEARS AGO TODAY:
How old were you?: 15
What grade year were you in?: 10th grade
Where did you go to school?: OES
Where did you work?: I didn't really
Where did you live?: right behind the OES forest and/or at Kay's house
How was your hair style?: I have no idea...I've been trying to remember if I was still blonde at that point...but I think I had shortish dark brown hair?
Did you wear braces?: Nope
Did you wear glasses?: Nope
Who were your best/good friend(s)?: Kay, Audrey, Holly, Seth...?
Who was your celebrity crush?: Ryan Phillippe? I think I was over Nick Carter at that point, haha.
Who was your regular-person crush?: Haha, Mr. Gaty of course.
How many tattoos did you have?: None
How many piercings did you have?: None
What car did you drive?: I didn't
What was your favorite band/group?: Um...Something Corporate, I think? Third Eye Blind?
What was your worst fear?: Failure, probably. And admitting my weaknesses.
Had you smoked a cigarette yet?: Yep
Had you gotten drunk or high yet?: Yes and Yes
Had you driven yet?: No
Had you been to a real party yet?: What in the hell is a "real" party? I had gone to raves, yes...is this "real party" crap like...house parties or something? Well, yes, but they suck. Sorry.
NOW:
How old are you?: 18
What grade are you in?: Freshman in college
Where do you go to school?: The question is DO I go to school? I'm at Chapman University right now.
Where do you work?: I don't
Where do you live?: Pralle-Sodaro 304 but my room is almost entirely packed up by now! Yay!
Where do you hang out?: My room, mainly. Or the Orange Circle, but only at night. I sit outside the dorms smoking a lot.
How is your hair style: Long. Crazy. Dark.
Do you have braces?: Nope
Do you wear glasses?: I would if I hadn't lost them.
Who are your best/close friend(s)?: Kay, Albe, Carlos, Seth, Ilana, Spooky, Tiiu.
Still talk to any of your old friends?: Some of them...I'm bad at keeping in touch. I barely talk to any of my new friends. Fucking anti-social tendencies.
Who is you bf/gf?: Carlos!
Who is your celeb crush?: Celebrity crush? Oh so many...I'm so lame...em...Johnny Depp...Jude Law...Jared Leto (but only in Requiem)...Gisele Bundchen...Brad Pitt...Conor Oberst...Brad Pitt (but really only when he's crazy)...eh...
Who is your regular-person crush?: My boyfriend? Maybe? That doesn't mean I've stopped looking, though. I have crusehs...but they're secret. Shhhhh....
How many piercings have you had?: 4 but right now I only have 1. It's depressing.
How many tattoos?: 11 stars down my back!! I never know if that counts as one tattoo or multiple?
What kind of car do you have?: Some sort of Saturn
What is your favorite singer/group?: Oh so many! Death Cab...Deftones...Muse...Bright Eyes...Postal Service...Something Corporate...Third Eye Blind...Rufus Wainwright...Explosions in the Sky...Sigur Ros...Brand New...Goldfrapp...Her Space Holiday...techno techno techno and OPERA! Um...I'll stop there.
What is your biggest fear?: Losing self control...but...fuck. I guess I am already there. Um...no, I guess that's it: Not being in control of my actions or thoughts anymore. It's scary.
Have you smoked a cigarette yet?: Far too many.
Have you gotten drunk or high?: Yes and Yes!
Have you been to a real party?: Indeed.
Has your heart been broken?: I suppose. Yes. Yes, I guess I have. Luckily it was semi put back together again? Only to be rebroken? Fucking hearts.
Have you broken someones heart?: I sort of doubt it. Who knows. |
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Tell Me Lies |
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| Paint me a picture...I have no words... |
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| 04:38am 08/05/2006 |
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mood: apathetic music: Deftones - Minerva
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You are the chords that my fingers can’t grasp.
What changes minor to Major?
You are the difference in the shades.
What distorts black to white?
You are the moment between night and day.
Where do you find yourself?
You are the words inside my mind.
Why do you speak in pictures?
You are the noise that I cannot emulate.
What are you trying to say?
You are the scent that makes me numb.
You are static.
You are wordless.
You are living.
You are breathless.
What do I call you? |
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Tell Me Lies |
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| 04:35am 08/05/2006 |
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mood:  annoyed music: Deftones - Needles and Pins
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If you would comfort me...sing me a
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Tell Me Lies |
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| Pretty much. |
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| 04:18am 02/05/2006 |
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I picked you out of a crowd and talked to you.
I said, "I like your shoes."
You said, "Thanks can I follow you?"
So it's up the stairs and out of view-
And out of here, no prying eyes
I poured some wine
I asked your name, you asked the time...
Now it's two o'clock-
the club is closed and we're up the block
Your hands on me; I'm pressing hard against your jeans
Your tongue in my mouth, trying to keep the words from coming out
You didn't care to know who else may have been you before
I want a lover I don't have to love.
I want a girl who's too sad to give a fuck.
Give us the kid with the chemicals?
I thought he said to meet him here, but I'm not sure
I got the money if you've got the time
You said, "It feels good."
I said, "I'll give it a try."
Then my mind went dark-
we both forgot where your car was parked
Let's just take the train
I'll meet up with the band in the morning
Bad actors with bad habits
Some sad singers they just play tragic
and the phone's ringing and the van's leaving
Let's just keep touching; let's just keep, keep singing...
I want a lover I don't have to love
I want a boy who's so drunk he doesn't talk
Give us the kid with the chemicals
I got a hunger and I can't seem to get full
I need some meaning I can memorize
The kind I have always seems to slip my mind
But you..
But you...
you write
such pretty words
But life's no storybook
Love's an excuse to get hurt
and to hurt
Do you like to hurt?
I do, I do
then hurt me..
then hurt me...
then hurt me... |
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1 Sweet Little Lie - Tell Me Lies |
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| Side effects they don't advertise.... |
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| 06:01pm 30/04/2006 |
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mood:  crazy
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Excerpts from my night on ambien...
"...and then the computerr starteddd sinking. andd nio worrldd was everr tybpesdd cjor5eefly again.
undderrstanddd the mmobememt of a hasnd waxving gooojdd bye
This is fuckedd up...After typing all this I went back and read thrrough since it is all ridiculous....RIDICULOUS...andd i changed a word and caught myself looking aroundd the room to see if had privacy...oh no, my leg might have betrayed to someone that I changed a word...
THis is rrreeeeeaaallllly trippy
hahha sorrry for the cracked out message from hLELL"
...and...
"hahaha...it depends, sometimes they'rre fine. Right mnow my fingerrs are the ones pissing me off I mean LOOOIDK! They can't remenberraw where the kewys are and are tooo lazy to delete and try again. gah. GHA.my one leg is bored and do4sn't want to do anything...9i think it's trying to sleep....let's call her a she...the other one is being noise andd a think wants me to go outsidde..m,aybe then I'ddd get away from the weirdos in here but it's gotta be worse out there. Andd WHATAT:!!"??@ How are se[erate unique insanities in various booddy parts not as attractive?! psht../.you couldd have a moppey leg...a frantic..toe? like...a....anorexic nostril....eh....JKLJAF can't think ahaha...andd this page kind of looks 3d."
...and...
" what if he sees all of of toooof these PEOPLE! They're passed out on my floorr...they're everywhere wbut they don't move...that's just mean"
I was talking to my crazy friend Miss Spooky in these. What. a. night. It's beyond comprehension at this point. Haha...I can try to translate if you want...
<3
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4 Sweet Little Lies - Tell Me Lies |
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| Ivory lines lead... |
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| 11:28pm 18/04/2006 |
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Im not feeling so great these days. I know it is a mixture of many things...many faults, many conflicts, inner and outer wars. I'm working on it...working...
I am no good at conversations that I know will come to an end shortly. I don't like these time constraints...these deadlines are closing all around me and I'm starting to admit I am scared...soon I will be somewhere else and these bonds that I've built will mean nothing, while the walls seem to mean more every minute.
Scared? Or scarred?
"Oh, instincts are misleading
You shouldn't think what you're feeling
They don't tell you what you know you should want."
I'm either thinking too clearly or not at all...
Well...now I am pleasantly dizzy...I think I will...may...be okay now tonight....maybe...maybe...
<3 |
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1 Sweet Little Lie - Tell Me Lies |
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| The reasons all have run away...but the feeling never did |
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| 01:06pm 14/04/2006 |
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I thought this half of a week at home could be good...productive...healing...maybe...
but I just talked to my mom and am sitting yet again in my room with tears in my eyes...this is...far too familiar...
and has all of the makings for a disaster...
When do I get to stop being a disaster and start....
... living? ...
"The reasons all have run away, but the feeling never did...it's not something I would recommend...but it is one way to live"
I hope you never fall into this...I hope you never...never....ever...
<3 |
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1 Sweet Little Lie - Tell Me Lies |
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| 09:01am 08/04/2006 |
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mood:  thirsty
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so...yeah...probably bad call with the staying up all night thing when I have a rave to attend tonight. Ooooooh well...hahaha it will indeed be interesting!
<3 |
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1 Sweet Little Lie - Tell Me Lies |
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| We Are Nowhere, And It's Now |
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| 03:41am 06/04/2006 |
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mood:  anxious music: Bright Eyes
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"I’ve been sleeping so strange at night
Side effects they don’t advertise
I’ve been sleeping so strange
With a head full of pesticide"
I can't remember the last time I went to sleep at a decent time.
College = Insomnia.
<3
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3 Sweet Little Lies - Tell Me Lies |
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| Look, Look! I'm alive! |
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| 05:20pm 29/03/2006 |
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mood:  cheerful music: Bright Eyes - Lua
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So... I am indeed sorry that I have absolutely disappeared from the livejournal world (seriously...get a myspace if you want to keep track of the drama that is my life...I don't know why you WOULD, but that would be the thing to do) but I just came back to read all of you seniors writing about your college acceptances...CONGRATS to everyone! But now I just feel like I have to join in...
I got into The Boston Conservatory
AND
The San Francisco Conservatory of Music!!!
Obviously I am very excited to move on and away from Chapman (don't even get me started...)...and because both of these are TINY super selective schools where I will be doing just about NOTHING BUT MUSIC! Shit, I am so excited!
In other news...I miss all of yoU! Send me an email or comment or SOMETHING sometime!!!! I'll be back in Portland for spring break shortly so I will try to come visit you OESians at school!
<3
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8 Sweet Little Lies - Tell Me Lies |
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